What Is Wrong With Everyone Else?

I'm sorry I've been silent for a while.  I have a stalker, who also happens to know my blog address.  Until he gets bored with checking this, I don't wish to share my life in print.  Of course, he still checks his ex-girlfriend's email regularly and they broke up forever ago.  Hopefully his stalki-ness will wear off sooner than that.  I was really mean to him, so hopefully that will work.

Until I'm free.

And so do burning Mexican Restaurants.  I just drove through the smoke of one this evening as it wafted over the S-curve from Bridge and Stocking.

It's actually really sad.  They just interviewed the owner on the news and he barely speaks English, but I feel so sorry for him.  Anyway, no one was injured, so I don't feel bad commenting on how good it smelled.

I just saw this ad at the top of my Livejournal for Plentyoffish.com in which they boast, "We Delete Members unfit to date."  That just from their website, isn't it?  Not from, like, life, right?

I picked up a wireless router on the way home from work this evening because I'm sick of having coaxial and ethernet cable strung across my living room floor.  The box said, "Super easy set-up" "No technical jargon" "Easy install takes only minutes".  The computer nerd at Best Buy even said it would be easy to set up.  "It will just take a few minutes."  I just have two words:

THREE HOURS!!!

BUT.... It's finally working and I'm way excited.

Good night to you.  

I just stumbled upon a stranger's blog.  She seems like a nice young-ish woman.  A married mother of two doing all of the typical things mothers and wives do in suburbia.  What I very quickly noticed, however, was her support group of friends who somehow consider themselves to be the Heroines of humanity.  "Look at all of these roles I juggle.  I'm a wife AND a mother AND a businesswoman. Yea for me!  Men are weak.  And evil.  Men are weak and evil and I am SO amazing."  Whatever you whiny babies.

What about men who are husbands AND fathers AND businessmen?  What about me?  Being single carries with it a potentially much more vivacious social life (notice I said potential).  AND I'm a business woman AND I go to church AND I have a second job.  I'm SUCH a victim.  Everyone love me.

We can have as many roles and titles as we take for ourselves.  The more we take, the more heroic we can make ourselves seem.  You see this tendency in women who feel under-appreciated.  They classify themselves as cooks, tailors, chauffeurs, office managers, maids and BLAH BLAH BLAH.  This is just life, OK?  If you really feel that you are super-human, stop doing so much.  Quit your job, hire a maid, stop having so many children.  You are not a hero.  You're probably not all that different from most of your peers.  Do you deserve recognition for all that you do?  Definitely, from those for whom you do those things.  But from the entire universe?  No.  From every other woman in your "support group".  No.  It's just life.  Suck it up and quit complaining already.  You chose it, right?

Lately I've heard a lot of people complaining about how people who did not grow up reading the King James Version of the Bible have a hard time with the translation.  Whatever.  It's not as if you can't figure it out.

My milkshake bringeth
All ye gentlefolk to the yard
And they purport
"'Tis better than thine"
Verily
It is better than thine
I could teach thee
BUT
I must levy a fee

I think you still know what I'm saying, am I right?

I was just making a 100 calorie pack of popcorn.  When it was done popping, I dumped it into my usual popcorn bowl.  It sat on the counter for a second while I grabbed a napkin.  As soon as I touched the bowl again, a kernel popped inside the bowl and flung five other pieces of popcorn into the air and out of the bowl.  One of them went into a slot on my toaster.  I can't get it out.

I'm going to forget it's there and then make toast some day and it's going to light on fire, causing the entire toaster to ignite, causing me to panic and run in circles screaming "What do I do, what do I do," causing me to grab the fire extinguisher and throw it at the fire, causing it to fall on my foot, causing me to panic more and run screaming from the building as the apartment burns down.

Maybe I should go try harder to get it out now.

OK... I know many people have seen this many times, but I was only recently introduced to this.  I love it.

Well, Bush did it.  He signed that stupid housing bailout.  What a load.

Let's see, we should reward stupid people who purposely got in over their heads by signing moronic adjustable rate mortgages during a more-than-obvious housing bubble.  Let's bailout lenders who gave these morons money during a more-than-obvious housing bubble.  But how should we do it?  Why, with taxpayers money, of course!  How about the people who live in apartments pay for the complete screw-ups who don't know how to manage their money!  That's a great idea.  

I could own a home right now too.  Sure I have other debt to take care of.  Sure I wouldn't be able to afford a down payment.  Sure I might have to borrow from a shady bank at an adjustable rate.  But I still could be a homeowner if I wanted to.  But I'm not because it would be irresponsible and stupid.  Yet look how we reward those characteristics with our current system!  Give no tax relief whatsoever to renters who pay exorbitant amounts to live in a few poorly painted rooms while give oodles of tax refunds to people who have gotten themselves into a huge debt: a mortgage.  Now we should bail them out again.  Why?  Because we FEEL SORRY FOR THEM!!!  Oh, poor families.  Think of the children!!!

Add to this the fact that I pay tons of taxes just for being single and I'm ticked.  Oh, you're living on the street?  That stinks.  I guess you learned your lesson.  Wait, no.  I don't want you to learn any lessons.  Here's some money.  I know it's Lynda's money, but we're socialist so we think you should have it instead.

Thank you President Bush, for standing firm on a few things that may or may not be right, but for caving on things that are OBVIOUSLY wrong.

As an addendum to my previous chastity pants entry:

Today I am wearing a chastity skirt.  It has this impossible to manipulate internal button that I can't leave undone or a big piece of material gets all bunched up inside the skirt.  It also ties closed in an elaborate process that usually leaves me sweating by the time I've finished.

But, I have figured out a way to defeat the Chastity Company.  My skirt... get this... I just figured it out...

...

lifts up!!

HAHAHAHA Sucker company!  Now when I go to the bathroom, I am not foiled by your intricate fastening system.  I don't even have to TOUCH the fasteners.  Find a way to keep me chaste now!

If only I could find the key to my metal, Robin-Hood chastity belt.

Lately I've been thinking about getting a new cell phone.  I hate my RAZR.  Don't buy one of these.  I was enticed by the fact that it was pink and stylish, but it's a giant pile of junk.  The software doesn't work right, the camera stinks and it's very uncomfortable to talk on.

I was looking at the new iPhone because, let's face it, it's the most awesome phone ever made.  Unfortunately all of my friends have Verizon Wireless.  The iPhone is only available on AT&T and cannot be used with Verizon because Verizon uses CDMA network technology and not GSM, which the iPhone is built for.  So then I was looking at the new LG Dare for Verizon.  This phone looks pretty sweet, too.  It's just that I wanted to have iTunes right on my phone so I won't have to use two different media organizers on my computer.

Basically, I just want a really sweet phone so everyone looks at me and thinks, "Wow, she has a really sweet phone."  Then it hit me.  Instead of trying to buy the newest, sweetest technology, why not get the same effect by bringing back something old school.  And I mean old, old school.  Like the old brick phone mobile phones.  The ones that are so big, you need to carry them in your backpack like Zack Morris.  I'm so all about it.

I wonder if I can find one on eBay.

Let White Folks Tell You What to Eat

I'm not even kidding you.  This guy is funny and I like his point here.

The suckiest thing that's been on my mind lately is Kevin. Last week Tuesday he called to ask if he could come over and get his hymnal from me. I told him fine so he stopped by that night and picked it up. We talked for a few minutes and he asked me if I plan to remarry. I told him that I wasn't currently planning to and I wasn't planning not to - I was just going to do whatever was in God's plan. Then he asked me what I thought about him getting remarried. I told him it was between God and his own conscience. That left me feeling a little weird, but whatever.

Then the next day he calls me at work and says (you already know from a previous entry), "I'm dating someone right now and I was wondering if I could give her your email address so she can hear your side of the story." I shit you not, that little jerk asked me if I would talk to his new girlfriend. I, of course, said no. Anyway, that all was just sitting on my mind for several days until Sunday when I connected the two events. I started thinking, "Is he seriously planning to to get married to his girlfriend."

So this past Monday morning, like a true idiot, I decide to check his email, which is something I haven't done for over a year. Why he hasn't changed his password, I'm not sure.  I think he wants me to read it.  Sure enough it's filled with emails to a girl named Ellen with all these sickening love notes back and forth. "My dearest, dearest Ellen... " BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Then it talks all about their plans to get married next May. What the heck!?!? He was the worst husband imaginable (not that I was the best wife) and he finds someone to love him before I do? This is so unfair. I even came across an email where she was thanking him for saying that he wished she was his first.  Excuse me!?!?!?!?!!  I would NEVER say that to another man and totally disregard Kevin. He may have been a terrible husband but he was still a really big part of my life and I wouldn't just completely discount him.

I was hoping that this chick would be fat and ugly, but when I looked at her pictures she's a little cute. Not hot or beautiful, but certainly not ugly. She's not skinny either, but certainly not fat. This STINKS!

So basically I'm just really depressed and have no prospects for myself. I try to remind myself that God has a plan for me and He has his own timing. It still stinks though.

So that's my depressing life. It can only get better from here. Hopefully.

For all of the people I've angered or wronged, I'm sorry.